Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
