I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
