He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
