I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
