i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
