508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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