I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
