I'm drive I can fine osifer
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
