FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
