That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
