I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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