someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I party with great urgency now.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
