Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
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