We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I understand Curling. That high.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
