...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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