it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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