she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
i may or may not be watching the land before time
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
