hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
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