everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I still have a little drunk in my system
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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