eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
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