the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
