I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
