You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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