I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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