My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
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