Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
