i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
