I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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