I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Randomize
