Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
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