Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
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