those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
