I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
