remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Randomize
