My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
