I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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