She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
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You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
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He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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