now i know why i became what i already was.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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