i just wanna soil my oats bro
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
