Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
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