pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize