Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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