She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Randomize
