I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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