I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Randomize
