I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
