Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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