After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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