So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize