he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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