that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
