I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
