I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Randomize
