She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
i dont even know how to be here
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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