i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
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