I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
