I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Drunk is not a location!
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
