Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
