you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Randomize
