my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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