my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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