The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
