I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
