you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I have surprise drugs for everyone
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
