Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Randomize
