Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
