Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
