So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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