So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
