I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
