she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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