...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
