too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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